Dating An Offshore Dude

I’m an oilfield kid who grew up with an offshore dad (read: Mon Père, Ce Héros) so it’s not really surprising that I ended up with someone who works in a similar, if not the same, industry. Ross is an Offshore Piling Technician and before I even attempt to explain what he does exactly, here’s a video that shows you what his job entails:

Disclaimer: I just found this video on YouTube to give you a better understanding of Ross’ job. Neither Ross nor I have any affiliation with the company that posted and is featured in the video.

This job is not your typical 9-5 desk job where you come home every day and get to spend a lot of time with your family and friends. Though technically Ross is supposed to be on a rotation, there is no set schedule depending on the project, weather, crew availability, and numerous other things. This means that he can be away in the middle of the ocean for as little as 6 weeks or even as much as 3 months (sometimes more!), and is working at least 12-hour shifts DAILY. When the offshore guys are at work, there are no weekends or holidays. When the project is going well, the days can go by quickly but when problems arise and things are put on hold and they’re on standby, well… there’s not much you can do on a barge except for eat (sometimes the food isn’t even that great!), sleep, read, workout, and surf the web if the internet isn’t shoddy.

It’s tough, it’s dangerous, it’s physical as well as mental, and it’s definitely not for the weak. Not every one is cut out for this profession and it takes a certain type of person to be able to handle it. The time away from loved ones is probably one of the most difficult things – for the offshore dude and for the ones they leave at home. Growing up in this industry and with people who went through the same thing would make you think this would come easily, but it’s never easy being away from people you love and care about. 

Drenched from the downpour at Robbie Williams' concert in Singapore during the F1 Grand Prix in Sep 2014

During our first year together, Ross and I were pretty lucky in terms of being able to spend time with each other. He didn’t have to go offshore as much and worked a good amount of time in the shipyard in Singapore, where I was based at the time. When he did have to work offshore, the stints weren’t very long – 6 weeks at most – so we were even able to sneak in a handful of holidays – two in Vietnam, one in Thailand, one in the Philippines, and one in the UK. I think the Universe was working in our favour as I think we needed that time to really get to know each other. This year, on the other hand, has been the complete opposite. Since moving to Manila in the beginning of February, Ross has been working the entire time apart from a short 10-day break in May. The current project he’s on wasn’t supposed to last more than 6-8 weeks but so far he’s already been there for 12, and will be offshore for at least another few weeks!

Our first trip to Hoi An, Vietnam in April 2014

I can tell you it’s definitely not a walk in the park. It’s not easy being apart; it’s not easy constantly worrying about his safety; it’s not easy adjusting to life “without” him, especially when I’ve gotten used to waking up next to him; it’s not easy not knowing exactly when you’ll see each other again. I’m a planner – I like to know what things are going to happen and when, so this relationship has definitely tested that. I’m also not the most patient person, so this situation has also tested that. However, despite all this, I am extremely happy with and in our relationship. So how are we making it work?

At Glencoe in Scotland in Jan 2015

I’m not a relationship guru and my relationship with Ross is far from perfect. We celebrate the “ups” and work through the “downs” TOGETHER. Amongst many other things, these are the key factors that are keeping our relationship strong:

Patience
Patience is the numero uno element here. We can’t plan for things well in advance; we have our bad days and sometimes take it out on each other and it’s tougher to handle over iMessage or FaceTime; it gets lonely when we’re apart; and a million other things that can get really frustrating. However, at the end of the day you know you can’t have the good without the bad and the waiting is all worth it for each other.

Trust & Honesty

Simple – without these no relationship would work, at least not a healthy one. Of course we can’t tell each other EVERYTHING because you have to leave some things a mystery! ;) But one thing is for sure, we don’t give each other reasons to doubt the other.

Respect & Support
We respect and support each other in every thing we do – from our professional lives to our personal interests. We encourage one another to succeed and are each others' No. 1 cheerleader.

Time
We already spend quite a bit of time apart so the time we do have together is essential. Despite the distance and time zone differences, we still make time for each other even if it’s just via text message, email, or a short phone call to tell each other “I love you”. When we’re together, we make sure that it’s quality time spent having fun and appreciating each other.

Goals
We’ve discussed our goals and future together – where we want to be, what we want to do, etc. This is important because it gives you something to work towards together.

Celebrating our anniversary 2.5 months after the actual date since Ross was offshore

If you’ve made it this far down the post, CONGRATULATIONS and THANK YOU! I hope this has been an interesting read – from learning what Ross does to what our relationship is like and how we’re managing it. For those in similar circumstances, I wish you all the best and hope this blog post has shown you’re not alone (yay!) and has helped put some things into perspective.

Cheers,
J xxx